Thursday, November 25, 2010

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,
Today, written exams end up officially. I was struggling like hell to gain concentration to study the night before. Heh. Oh, did I miss to tell you I failed my clinical exam?

Dear Diary,
I guess everybody were worrying over my excessive amount of panicking. Well, I am wonder too why I'm easily get distracted and once it happens, I'm no longer can concentrate for whatever I'm doing. I was about to cry when dear clinicians kept on calming me, my dear lecturer taught me the doa to reduce stress, my doctor advised me to stay calm and yet, I failed it.

Dear Diary,
I'm fine. I'm okay. I did sad. I did hurt. I did cry the moment I stepped out from the clinic, and the moment I was being told about my failure, and the moment my best friends asked and the moment my dad called me. Well. That was nature. Nature of failure. I was fine to cry, and I just let it as usual.

Dear Diary,
I'm not crying because I need to repeat. I was actually expecting it from the beginning. I cried because I could see my parent's hope fade away. I felt I was already disappointing my lecturers. I thought I was breaking my clinicians' confident over me.

Dear Diary,
I cried because I knew that wasn't me. That wasn't my actual performance. Well, it was okay to learn from the mistakes. That's how I taught my self and exactly the next two hours I can laugh. I can even make jokes to my friends regarding my failure. I'm fine. By fine, I really mean it, FINE.

Dear Diary,
I posted my failure at my FB's wall because I wanted nobody asked me sad things. Yeapp. That's me. I really like to acknowledge my failure and unlikely to share when I was doing well. I don't know why. I'm not gaining sympathy as I don't need any. I did it because, I hate to type the same word 'gagal' or 'fail' or 'repeat' all over again during SMS but with different people.  However, I am very grateful surrounded with my friends that really care. All of them asked and supported me. It was shocking them I failed but, it didn't on me.

Dear Diary,
I need to repeat my clinical exam on Monday. I need no hope to perform well because I know I can. All I need is being CALM. 

Dear Diary,
Can you help me?

Could you please tell them I'm okay?


Ct SoLeHa said...

Allah tak akan menduga hambanye lebih dari kemampuannye..
tabah yer huda..semoga buat lebih baik untuk ari isnin nanti

doakan untuk ksol exam bulan 4

INFINITY said...

Insyallah. Tak sanggup rasanya fikir kena repeat 6 bulan. Huu. Thanks untuk support.

Kak Sol pun, good luck! :)