Pengajaran

Sebenarnya apa beza pelajaran dengan pengajaran? Macam pengajaran yang aku terima, pelajaran yang aku terima?

Whatever.

Dulu aku ada kawan (depends on definisi kawan), aku suka dia. Aku suke apposite thoughts dia, more or less yeap, aku suka dia. Kadang-kadang lebih better kita kawan dengan orang tak ramai kawan. Somehow, safe. That's the issue now.

Safety.

Kita tend to pujuk hati, atau sebenarnya nak orang assume mungkin? Kita nak orang rasa kita tak ada apa-apa, lepak, chill! Aku, kau, kita mungkin boleh fake the feelings, fake the language-used, fake the smile, tapi boleh kau tipu diri?

Sebelum tu, tipu diri dan pujuk diri adalah dua perkara yang berbeza.

Kita tak boleh tipu diri, tapi kita selalu pujuk diri. Pasti-ada-hikmah, common phrase. Tak salah.

Back to the pelajaran atau pengajaran, which one suits well. Masa aku ada kawan yang aku suka sebab berbeza, aku ada satu perasaan macam heh, kenapa macam ni? Now, aku rasa aku dah faham. Mungkin aku dah lama faham, tapi ignore. Ignorance is bliss, kan?

He raised one issue. Actually I raised a lot than he did, but this one I remember clearly that it was from him. Purely. Ukhwah atau persahabatan muslim sort of aku lupa. Aku bukan marah, cuma aku fikir, fikir, fikir. Maybe that time I was surrounded with what so called true friends. 

Yes. That's the reason.

Kita boleh ada sejuta kawan, tapi belum tentu satu pun akan stand still beside us no matter the burden we have. Pernah orang kata, bila kahwin suami/isteri itulah sahabat, teman, kawan bla bla bla. If so, why divorce?

Still aku nak kahwin someday, aku normal sekian terima kasih.

Mungkin dia tak percaya ukhwah, that's his right. Aku percaya, firmly! Ukhwah wujud, cuma nilai tu kurang dan makin lama lesap. Sebab dunia kita hidup hari ini, dunia benda. Dunia kalau kau ada sesuatu, kau boleh dapat sesuatu.

Macam sistem barter!

Ya!

Sistem barter tapi versi kejam!

So, ukhwah-ukhwah ni tolak tepi.

Aku percaya semua orang, tapi aku tak percaya kejahatan yang mungkin timbul kecuali kalau dunia ni syaitan tak ada then yes, semua orang adalah mulia.

Point aku luah perasaan hari ni selepas berbulan bulan pendam, don't trust people who close to you in the short time. Semua orang tahu kau baik, naif. Tapi satu sudut hati kau mesti, mesti, MESTI kena ada doubt about people kau rapat. Maybe some exceptional, contoh pada unconditional love parents? Tu takpe. Selainnya, mesti kena ada ragu ragu.

Why?

Why?

Why?

While try to be nice, orang mungkin take for granted but not in the way the take-for-granted always happens. But this take-for-granted, happens beyond my naive (?) thought! Macam mana kau boleh tahan bila alasannya ialah sebab kau baik, kau jadi kaunter aduan.

Kaunter aduan okay lagi.

Kaunter umpatan?

Now, this is not ukhwah whatever. This is ridiculously bullshit and I am sad, because the sins to hear all the bad words still called the SINS. There's not such thing as DOSA MULIA.

I wish I have friend like him here, so I can sort of certain thing that I always ignore for the sake of I-don't-know, happy maybe? I can keep myself at the right track with the unique different ways, THINKING why people are different. Ye.

Bila aku fikir pada soalan kenapa, regardless who or when or where, aku jumpa banyak benda atau jawapan pada soalan yang lain along the way. Silent thank you.

This is not the dedication entry oh please but the fact that he was right after all can't be denied. At least I can't! And I miss him.