You Ask Me To

I forgot to bring my camera, 

They provided that.

I forgot the steps,

But immediately realized that.

I forgot to bring my heart with me,

But they encouraged me to create a new one.

I want to run away,

But they successfully let me to stay still.

I missed the past,

But apparently...

I don't know what to say.

Not now,

Not never.

Past is past.

They said that.

"Huda, are you coming?"

"Sure,"

"When will be your session?"

"Evening, at 3 pm I guess. Will you be coming too, Prof. D?"

"Yes. I need to be there for 5 days,"

"Oh, that's good. Besides my parents, you're the main reason I wanna come,"

Because Audiology starts with 'A', the first alphabet, we were set to be the first course on stage. Because of the 'A', I sat at the first line, beside the red carpet, and privileged with the clear view of the people on stage and of course the clearest one, the Canselor (do I spell it right?)

I spotted my parents and relieved they've got their seats. I spotted my second parents (Azah's), and found them straightaway. I had no other to spot and out of sudden I found Azah is very lucky. She has her husband with her where I don't. Kekekekkee.

"Everybody's holding the flowers, you want one?"

"No thanks,"

"Teddy bear like hers?"

"No. I already have one and I don't want to have another one or replacing the one that I already have,"

"Maybe you want something like them?"

"Mom, you don't have to buy me anything. I have enough. You encouraged me to come here so I won't be missing one of my special occasion. That is everything. At least I have this moment. At least I be here. At least we still bought the pictures so your grandchildren, my children wont be missing that their mother has this. Just like you said, right? I don't want you to waste your money as I don't need that,"

"Okay,"

"You don't have to ask me, neither do to be like them. I'm different. And it's not hurting me at all because I don't receive like every graduate students get. That's clearly not the reason for me to be upset. It's good to have all of those, but it is far better to be me, besides, I already make a wish, the only thing that I want to be here is this, holding the important one. Maybe someday I want to be like them. Holding a bouquet of flowers, the teddy bears, the cute presents. Someday. But not today,"

Don't worry mom, I like to be like them. I like to be appreciated like that. I like the sweet and cute things. I like the convo thing now. And I wish, I will make this occasion better in the future.

It just my own ego do the talking, mom.

I pray.

Oo Allah, 

If this thing is already fated the way I want it to,

Please let me meet easily,

Without planning,

Without hoping,

Just accidentally.

So I know I can start to hope back.

But,

If it happens to be otherwise,

Then I know I can stop now,

And please,

Replace the better one for me...