Semuanya Akan Berjalan Pantas!

I'm the type of person who're really afraid of exams but still looks bajet cool. Whatever.

***

Today (eh dah pukul 12), yesterday was the OSCE day. Erm, I don't really know what is OSCE stands for, but it is kind of exam. Real exam. I mean you have the patient, you need to perform certain tests, or diagnose certain diseases or whatever the examiner eh the questions ask you for. Not to be forgotten, there will be a patient and 2 or three or more examiners like oh-my-god!

Up to now, I always only get nervous for my OSCE an hour before it starts and Alhamdulillah I did well for the first two OSCE. Yup. This is my third OSCE. 

Before that, I mean in the morning I had an ENT session with Dr. Nik (the real charming and beautiful and soft lecturer). I persuaded her with hope for her to come and become one of the examiner. Last semester, I got nervous and when it was her station, I could breath freely and yes I managed myself to stay calm. At least thinking well. I heart her so much and I really wish I'll be like her. In the sense of attitude maybe.

"Dr. Nik, will you be with us this evening?"

"I'm not sure. Tak kot,"

"Eh? Alaaa. Please. Please be one of the examiner. When I stress out, seeing your face make me able to calm down again. Pleasee,"

Kan dah cakap aku ni memang jujur orangnya.

And Alhamdulillah, dia ada tadi. But guess what, 3 examiners in the closed room mak aihhh! That was my first station and I was really freak out but not to that extend; crying. No. Never will I guess. Sangat tak berani tengok Dr. Nik sebab macam dah hampakan dia sebab I tak bertenang pun. Tsskk.

My hands start shaking. And of course my face as pale as cotton wool. I can even think properly and read each word like I should have to. You know what it means read sepintas lalu tak masuk otak? BLUR.

It happened and always happens. It just me. 

Next station sumpah macam erghhh! You know I got a patient and I need to take a history taking. Oh come on! I do it almost every clinical session. Come on! Come on! But, I was wonder why eh this patient keep on deny every single question I asked? At that time, I was recalling all the points in the clinical history form but then this patient still gave me negative question. Oh my oh my oh my!

Memang patient pun ketawa when I dah tak recall but baca semua zikir surah instead. Erghh! I'm so not cool but again I managed not to cry. Yet.

Next, here was the killer station the killer examiner the killer instrument the killer everything-lah senang cerita! He was Mr. Khary, one of my favorite clinician! But with his fierce face? Oh! Eh, bukan selama ni dia memang garang ke dalam klinik?

I didn't know why, whatever I did all turned up to be so wrong. Right, tak dapat. Left, tak dapat. Alternate ear, oh berjaya. Proceed next test. Berjaya. Lega. But then nak tulis result dah eh teori apa value oh apa ni apa ni apa ni!

Kriiinggg!

Loceng bunyi tamat. Hanya mampu sebut dan mengeluh nama clinician.

Mata dah merah. Syukur lega sebab next station was rest station. Masuk dalam bilik, then tengok jam. 7 minit. Empat minit menangis, dua minit fikir baik baik, satu minit gain dapatkan semangat.

Yup. Itu cara aku. Eh, kau boleh tiru!

I just need to speak out, burst out.

So I cried badly. Selagi tak 4 minit paksa juga nangis. Sebab memang hati dah pecah jantung dah luluh. 2 minit terus fikir, baru 3 stesen, ada lima lagi. Do the very best Huda. Yang tiga biar berlalu, tinggal lima ni buat betul betul. Fikir balik perlahan-lahan dan gain semangat dalam satu minit. Kriiiiiingggg!

Pergi next stesen. Pfffttt! Next. Pfffttt! Next. Pfffttt! Cukup lima, semua pfffttt!

How eh I can rid off this stupid over menggelabah? This semester was the worst OSCE ever in my life! So, I can smell the needing of repeating this OSCE and VIVA sebab fail. Tak apalah, sabaaaaarr. Ada hikmah. Tak sanggup nak mengadap all the lecturers and clinicians masa nak dengar result nanti. Rasa macam dah hampakan everyone. Benci ni benci ni benci ni!

Oh masa jalanlah cepat cepat supaya kesedihan ini pergi jauh jauh. Susahlah hati pecah jantung luluh macam ni nak hadapi hidup. Oh! 

*Nangis dalam hati*

p/s: Aku harap suami aku esok esok orang yang bertenang yang kalau aku mula nak menggelabah tengok muka dia terus cool down. Siap dapat hug lagi cakap, do it slowly, Insyallah everything goes well. :') 

Beraanggaaannnn!

Esok pergi Lata Belatan redakan hati. Babai.