Janji

Last Tuesday, my dad called me late in the evening which was his favorite time I guess.

"Kenal tak En. Abdullah, kawan ayah?"

"Yang mana eh?"

"Bilal kat masjid tu,"

"Tak ingatlah yah. Kalau angah tengok muka, angah kenal kot,"

Yup. I'm very rare can recognize people's name. But, you've to salute me how incredible my brain can identify once I've met somebody. That's not my fault, it just the name has too many alphabets. Blame goes to the name at last. Hee.

"Ayah, kenapa?"

"Ala yang kecil-kecil tu. Ramadhan dia selalu jual air soya,"

Well. My dad always success being a storyteller of mine and he is. Yeah, He is. Ask my friends who're already met him. So, I easily can remember this En. Abdullah who is so nice hearted where he always  sedekah air soya during Ramadan instead of selling them. 

But, only in my own imagination. Not really recognize him; his face.

"Kenapa?"

"Isteri dia masuk ICU. Wad X,"

"Eh? Kenapa kat Kelantan?"

"Dia pindah sana berapa tahun lepas,"

My brain worked harder to remember. I knew, he's somebody I-know-who in reality world.

"Isteri dia sakit apa?"

"Entah. Dr. tak tahu lagi. Tiba-tiba dia koma. Angah pergi ziarah wakil ayah eh?"

"Tapi, angah tak kenal,"

"Tak apa, angah pergi je. Ayah yakin angah cam,"

I'm confident too I'll know that's him, my dad's friend but I don't know how the conversations will be.

"Insyallah. Kalau angah sempat, angah pergi. Insyallah,"

"Nanti cakaplah, anak ayah,"

It's just a sentence to ease dad and me. More to me anyway. But I persuaded my heart how wrong the thought were. I advised myself that, a good daughter is not only make her parents happy (said like I'm a good child-lah kan. Oloh) but be good with their friends too. That's what Akhlak Islam teachs in Adab Seorang Anak.  

A day past by and I forgot, typical Huda Mustaffar when she said something with her mind, not heart. So, I still failed to make a visit then.

Just now, mom called to wake me up.

"Dah beli tiket?"
"Belum,"
"Bila nak beli?"
"Nantilah,"

Took a deep breath to calm down. I really hate being forced.

"Isteri En Abdullah dah tak ada dah,"
"Ha? Innalillah. Bila mak?"
"Semalam. Angah pergi tengok kan?"

Short pause indicated NO and mom would've knew that.

"Dr. cakap apa?"
"Pendarahan otak,"
"Sebab? Dia jatuh ke?"

I felt my heart had shrunk small. Everybody afraid of death so do I. I always ask myself what will happens if I die today? I'm going to be all alone? A lonely loner? Am I going to beaten, to be burned for sins that never stop me to stop? What will be the feeling then? What? How?

And WHEN?

Tears dropping.

How does it feels to be all alone? Is the feeling like when I was so afraid to receive my MRI result? But back then, I have dad to sms-ed "Ayah, takut,"

Later?  

Yesterday, hers. When will be mine? Oh! It's a PROMISE from HIM and HE never breaks it!

But I did hope that my parents are going to bury me first than otherwise. Parents LOVE is MORE that my soon to be children. Therefore, I know I'm not all alone down there. But it's also a promise when a child was born, she/he also born together with a promise of Rizk, Maut, Jodoh (tak tahu bahasa arab apa -.-")

So, I just can hope but Allah decides the best!

If I do have children, I hope they will be the one who will save me from An-Nar. Insyallah.

 قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ( إذا مات ابن آدم انقطع عمله إلا من ثلاث : صدقة جارية ، أو علم ينتفع به ، أو ولد صالح يدعو له ) رواه مسلم .

Nabi SAW bersabda : “Apabila seorang anak Nabi Adam AS meninggal dunia maka terputuslah (pahala) amalannya kecuali dari (pahala) tiga (3) perkara iaitu sedekah jariah, ilmu (yang dicurahkan) yang dimanfaatkan dan anak soleh yang mendoakan (rahmat dan keampunan) untuknya.” HR al-Imam Muslim (261H). 

Insyallah.

p/s: Lately I'm easily to get stomachache, nauseas that force me to wake up in the middle of night and cried, asking for mom's help! Thanks Ya Allah my roommate is not here so no one will have to bear with my childishness. It's every night and morning. So pathetic to be helpless. :'(

I want home!