I Believe

I believe when I think everything went worst, it has something nice hidden that I just don't know... yet.

Like now. 

Lately, I found it very very very uncomfortable whenever I wake up and the only thing appear; Research Proposal. It's annoying. Really. I did finish it for almost all except INTRODUCTION and LITERATURE REVIEW. For others, its might the simplest thing ever.

Well, not for me.

I know I can make it done because its narrating part, the part that I'm master with. You know what I mean. It just, I DON'T KNOW why its totally black out! Something lingering in my mind, knocking hardly yeah you have to have this, that, bla bla bla but everything just remains there, somewhere in my brain.

Couldn't even write down a word! W.O.R.S.T!

But believing for what I believe; It has something nice hidden.

***

Second.

I did write that every evening, I have to run. RUN. No. Its not the run, run. Its the run that I have to; for my nice gait, without pain, easily sit, no longer fall: SAFE.

When this Ramadhan come over, I'd decide to change it to play, volleyball. It just because I want to shut down the bore when running with the reason that it's the only game for less dangerous running and using hand the most (this 6 months post op doesn't allow me to suddenly change direction during running). That's all, that's it.

The volleyball people are all nice! My friend, Pah sometimes Nik will be there, my court friends, the coach; everyone there. They're so enjoyable that deleting my feeling; what's gonna be if a tangan-bangku stranger looking forward to play together?

The real problem is me. ME. 

So childish to write down how desperate , how weak, how cengeng, how entah apa-apa, how disappointed I am to let the ball when it comes to my turn to strike just because I can't run and jump! 

I hate this part where my heart shout; kenapa masih nak main kalau tak reti?! But being a type of if others can, there's NO for me to CAN'T. Well, really make me even more frustrated!

But after all, the running comes to be the second. First; SKILL!

And because I believe it happens to be reasons hidden, I keep on playing with hopes that tomorrow will be better but never will at least for now, well future may holds something. 

Am I right?

Certain people may need  a day to master, but it's okay to take all years because; the effort you put in, is the most counted. The only thing I hope is the team members wont get angry or lose hope when the amateur (is that the best word to use?) walks in.

It's annoying when I just look at the ball and let it go, but I'll always do the very best to take it. For now, please help and teach me. I believe with your help, I'll be normal like before.

I just want to RUN and JUMP!

p/s: Fisio lepas Ramadhan. Confirm. Hehhehee.