Kecewa

I woke up early recently. I do think that believing in hope is actually you're believing that Allah will answer your dua'. It just only a matter of time for when, and how do you will get it.Well, I don't know whether it is true or not but everytime I have to face the pain, deep down there will be a voice with the faintest sound but clearly heard, that I still have time to pray and HE always be there happy to help. 

And it's weird somehow because even it is the smallest thing, near nothing, by remembering that the chance of dua' (I really really believe it will be answered!) that I used to I will clearly be happy. For no reasons most of the time. I guess I have a very strong faith in this thing. Very strong.

Recently, I guess I broke someone heart without being realized that what I've done was wrong. No. I knew it was wrong, but not how I have to face it this time with all the misunderstandings here and there, until no words were better to be used. So, creating distance is the only way, at least I think that is the best at this moment.

I hope that all of this thing will fade away sooner. And it's good if all of this thing never happened at the first place. But it's already happened so I pray for the time to move fast so I'll remember none of it. Not the situation neither does the person. Empty. 

It just like never happens. Never know each other.

I hate the fact that I did something I shouldn't have done. I hate the fact that I never will able to carry the feeling of being guilty which sometimes it just better to remain silent. I hate the fact that the misunderstanding still happens no matter how hard I try to explain.

I'm not good at this particular situation. Big sigh.

It's really disturbing, and it is worse as I keep waking up every hour, every night for these three days. I think I'm strong enough to forget but clearly I'm not. I think this is nothing, but I.. (smiling), I'm not good to ignore the situation that broke other's heart. 

And that voice appears again asking me how about to pray harder?

I don't know if it is true and I know it's weird but this is what I always do by the way. What I believe. You know by imagine the people you hurt, having deep breath in your very last sujud, it just your heart did all the talking, you mentioned  his/her full name to HIM that how sorry you're. 

You hope HE will soften  and eases his/her heart to take it easy, trying to forgive or even if not, you hope that there will be a room of acceptance and tolerance, at least?

You take all the time, you tell everything you heart want to burst out and you hope and you believe HE will send straightaway to him/her. And at certain point, you really really talk and you really really think that you really really talk to him/her?

But the doubt you have here is, will he/she really really listens? Does he/she know or feel that somebody is really really really really really making an effort?

Allah knows BEST. :)

p/s: I'm going crazy I think.

p/s/s: For unknown reason, I smile now. I live in a fairytale land perhaps. Sigh.