Ini Cerita Ayah Aku

Banyak orang susah, banyak orang lapar, banyak orang perlukan bantuan. Tapi, banyak jugak orang menipu dengan menggunakan tiga ciri pertama aku tulis. Sanggup palsukan sukar, demi dosa, demi mudah tanpa usaha.

Setelah beberapa kali ayah jumpa manusia guna alasan tiga yang pertama untuk tutup niat busuk kedua, maka ayah lebih berhati-hati.

Setiap kali terjumpa orang yang minta sedekah, ayah aku tanya nak makan tak? Kalau nak makan, ayah aku bawak tapi kalau nak duit, minta maaf. Kau tahu tak, kalau betul betul orang tu susah kelaparan, dia akan nak makan dan dia akan pilih makan.

Petang semalam, ayah aku jumpa sorang lagi tengah jalan.

"Tolong incik, saya lapar,"

"Nak makan? Kalau nak makan, saya boleh bawak tapi nak duit, saya tak bagi,"

"Betul incik, mahu makan,"

"Naiklah,"

"Tapi incik, saya tak pakai kasut. Nanti kotor kereta,"

Aku yang dengar ayah aku cerita, terus sebak. Nak nangis memang tak lah. Jatuh saham hati batu aku. Huuuu. Susah kan jadi orang susah? Sebab tu Islam suruh berusaha, supaya tak susah jauh sekali di hina. Tapi bila senang, jangan lupa daratan. Tuhan nak balas, tak payah tunggu minggu depan.

"Naik. Tak apa. Roti canai boleh?"

"Boleh incik. Boleh. Nak dua boleh incik, lapar,"

I was like, ohhh atas bumi Malaysia bertuah makan melimpah boleh buang buang, ada lagi orang menagih. Kena simpan rasa syukur banyak banyak. 

"Boleh,"

Ayah aku cerita, lepas bagi roti canai dan air, orang tu terima kasih sungguh sungguh siap nak sembah kaki (orang ni India), aku terus pandang tempat lain. Jauhkanlah aku dan keluarga aku dari sukar dunia sebegitu rupa.

Pesanan Besar: Orang jahat ramai sangat. Orang jahat berlakon baik lagi ramaaaaaaai. Tapi kalau niat mulia, Insyallah Allah selamatkan. Ikhlas dan istighfar.

Tak Sia Sia Aku Buang Masa

Huisho. MC pertama aku ambik sepanjang bekerja. Sungguh menjatuhkan kredibiliti! Lama-lama aku makin rasa aku ni dah near workaholic. Hari Ahad ingat kerja, nak tidur teringat kerja, MC pun ingat kerja?

Parah.

Dulu-dulu, tak, dulu dan sekarang aku suka gila tengok cerita berasaskan medikal. Grey's Antomy, House, Team Medical Dragon, Code Blue dan sebagainya. Rela hadiahkan diri kalau siap esaimen boleh pulun tengok movie straight. Apa punya reward untuk diri pun tak tau. Orang bawaklah diri belanja makan ke hape, ni tadah mata tengok movie.

Pulak tu menyeksa. Satu tangan kamus bahasa, belah kiri ada Dorlands. Sungguh dedikasi hokay.

Hospital tempat aku kerja ni mewajibkan semua pekerja ada lesen Basic Life Support (BLS) dan kena revew every two years. Sebabkan aku perkerja baru haruslah aku dihantar untuk training ni. At first aku gila excited sebab yeay pernah tengok grey's tak sabar nak belajar pulak! Yeay.

Tapi langit cerah tidah sampai ke petang, rupanya hujan ditengah hari. Ececececeh. Dan dan tu that week, tekak tak selesa. AKu dah boleh agak dah bila jadi macam ni, tak lama lagi datanglah perangai lama paru paru aku tuh.

Sampailah hari ditunggu tunggu, gila enjoy okay kelas tambah tambah doktor cute, terus mencanak naik semangat nak belajar. Asal doktor cerita kejadian medikal, otak aku merewang slot slot dalam drama Grey's Anatomy, tu yang jadi orang dah berhenti gelak aku tak abes lagi sampai doktor pandang tajam, awak kenapa yang lucu sangat?

Kan dah malu. Hahhahaha.

Sampai lah masa praktikal. Ada 4 stesen, dan stesen pertama stesen airway dengan doktor cute. Ololololo. Haruslah aku pilih nak jadi terakhir sebab semua peserta adalah nurses, aku je tergodek godek clinical staff yang bukan nurse. Haruslah tercengang-cengang. Dan dan tu berharap, kawen ngan nurse boleh? Nanti senang hidup nak belajar. Eppp!

Mula mula masuk stesen, berpinar kepala, menatang apa semua ni. Tengok nurse lain buat sambil cuba hafal satu satu. Apa ingat senang?

"Dari department mana?"

"Allied health, audiologist,"

"Lama tak sentuh eh?"

"Tak pernah sentuh pun doktor,"

Mujur doktor cute lagi baik hati bagi attention lebey. Dan dan tu berdoa tolonglah esok aku stesen dengan doktor ni. Tolonglah.

Masuk stesen kedua, CPR; Cardiopulmonary Resucitation. Tercengang kali kedua dapat pulak clinical inctructor sikit punya garang.

"Department mana?"

"Allied health,"

"Hmmm. Sila buat,"

Dan dan tu,

"Bukan macam ni!"

"Head lift and chin tilt,"

"Angkat, chest tak rise pun!"

"Perform jaw thrust skang,"

"I hope you pass tomorrow,"

Aik? Belum exam dah niat nak failkan aku?

Pengsan! Hahhahahhaa. Berdoa pulak, tolonglah jangan dapat examiner ni esok oh please. Dan tolonglah jangan CPR dulu, sebab aku dah start wheezing. Yeay!

Infant CPR nasib perform. Nampak naaa sayang baby lebih. Last stesen, Emergency trolley? Seriously. Oh mana aku nak tahu atropine adrenaline, sekalian drips, intubation punya benda, cannula tak cannula, entah apa tube, ambu bag, ryles tube? Pengsan kali kedua.

"Department?"

"Allied health,"

"Mesti tak biasa kan?"

Haruslah.

Aku duduk bersila lukis satu satu mana letak medication, sekalian jenis mask, tube, lukis okay. Lukis! Malam tu tidur dengan nota macam nak exam zaman sekolah. Bangun pukul 4 pagi study.

Sampailah hari dinanti.

Duk mintak jangan CPR dulu, tapi itulah yang dapat. Lain kali jangan duk mintak sangat. Lemah longlai aku masuk stesen.

You may begin now.

"I'm safe, patient safe, and the area safe from danger,"

Second step.

"Sir sir, are you okay?"

No reply, no breathing.

"Cop!"

Aku yang dapat cardiac arrest dan dan tu.

"Macam mana awak tau tak bernafas?"

"Errr, puan cakap,"

"Macam mana awak cek?"

"Dada dia,"

"Macam ni?

"Macam ni lah,"

"Betul macam ni?

"Macam mana lagi?"

Sumpah aku tak tau mana salah aku. Tak tahan tu menjawab lak aku. -.-"

"Tak payah buka baju?"

Gelak besar besar dalam hati. Pang sebiji atas dahi. Apa ke bengap aku boleh lupa.

"Double three double three, this is Huda, audiologist from 3B, calling for code blue, adult. Repeat, code blue adult,"

"I starting CPR now,"

"One two three........ first cycle,"

"Attaching the defib. Clear!"

Hahahaha. Patutnya kena dua minit sebelum another clear, tapi aku dah semput. Semput okay. Semput sebab kena marah, terkejut, berdebar, semua ada. Patient aku memang mati dahlah kalau macam ni, chest tak naik naik. Sakit hati aku sampai menyumpah bodoh punya patung! Hahhahahha. Ingat semput makin okay rupanya!

"Awak okay?"

"Okay,"

Tadi marah sangat. Dah aku biru nak kejung, baik pula. Kan bagus kalau baik dari tadi.

"Tarik nafas. Stop CPR. Take a deep breath, slow down,"

Hmm. Tak de mood dah aku nak exam. Malu.

Next peads. Nasib okay despite the coughing and wheezing. Next airway stesen; dan bukan doktor cute lagi. Pengsan entah kali keberapa.

"Okay, show me how to handle this patient,"

"I'm going to check the airway, suction and prepare for the ETT tube,"

"What's ETT tube?"

Dangggg!

Aku hapal ETT tube je. ET aku tau apa, eustachean tube kekkekekkee.

"Errrr...,"

"Endo?"

"Tracheal... kut (slow je nih),"

"Yes, now this patient got 60 percent oxygen, show me how to handle,"

"Well, ermm I'm going to change to the high flow mask that with the ambu bag (sumpah tak tahu apa nama lain dia), that can provide up to hundred percent oxygen from 10 to 15 ml,"

"Good,"

"Show me,"

Phewww.

"Now, for semiconcious patient, which tube would you choose,"

"Nasal.... something (slow lagi sebab tak ingat), to prevent gag reflex,"

"Which one,"

Danggg! Haru. Main tengok asal logik, "I think this one,"

"Good,"

Phewww.

"Okay thanks Huda,"

I was like thanks to Grey's Anatomy! Aku boleh jawab sebab aku recall slot dalam cerita tu hokay! And guess what? Guess what?

I passed!

With full mark at airway station and infant CPR! And nearly best for written exam! Yeay! Got the licence now! Heee. Tahniah untuk aku, dah boleh assist doktor cute dah lepas ni. Kekkeekke.

p/s: Pastikan orang kacak je eh cardiac arrest, baru ada mood nak buat CPR. Bahhahaa. Taklah, janganlah. Lagikan buat kat patung dah asthma MC bagai. Orang sebenar entahlah. -.-"

Come Again

16 Mei.

Teringat 16 Mei tahun lepas, tahun lepas dan selepasnya. Setiap kali hari yang sama kembali, akan ada beberapa nama yang setia tanpa gagal aku kenangi. Iya. Aku budak nakal subhanallah, menyorok dalam loker, terperap dalam tandas, kena rotan, kena piat segala kena.

Entah.

16 Mei yang berlalu tanpa ada istimewa.

Hinggalah melayari alam pengajian tinggi. Tuhan duga sakit. Tuhan duga cedera. Tuhan duga fizikal, mental, sabar dan tawakkal. Dari situ satu demi satu nama melekat. Satu demi satu. Penuh senyum setiap kali terpacul atau terpandang akan satu nama mewah akhlak.

Maka bermula dari situ, setiap 16 Mei yang berlalu, yang melewati dan bakal menjengah, belum mampu aku lupa. 16 Mei yang itu. 16 Mei yang ini. 

Tarik telefon, taip satu persatu ayat dari hati, terima kasih atas budi. Terima kasih pada ilmu, terima kasih sabar denganku. Terima kasih, mohon terima aku hingga keakhir waktu.

Engkau guru sepenuh kehidupanku.

Contoh dunia tolongku.

Pentunjuk dunia sukarku.

Terima kasih.

SELAMAT HARI GURU!

What To Say Eh?

"Hmmm... Why do you think hearing is important?"

"As said by Helen Keller, when you lost your sight, you lost interaction with things. But when it's hearing, you lost interaction with human. To live this life fullest, we need each other. But, I'd rather not losing any of them, sir,"

"Why did you choose to come for this interview when you already working at the nice place now?"

"Life is the matter of choices. Life is the matter of choosing which one suits you best, sir,"

"Working at the government sector is easy, you clock in 8 you go back home at 5, everyday,"

"Well, if you ask me, it depends on how you think it and I think differently. There're a lot of patients queuing and it is up to you on how to manage it. There is no easy way to be easy regardless where you work. It just you yourself, to challenge you yourself, and to make every single day better for you yourself. I'd rather take it that way, to challenge myself, to be better,"

"Okay, thanks Ms. Huda for coming today,"


"Thanks again for giving me this opportunity, sir,"

"Are you married?"

"Nope. Not yet. Someday, maybe,"

"Well, it's easy to place you then, maybe you can find you Mr. Right there,"

"Insyallah. Hahahahaha,"

Hhahahaha. Make it that hospital then. :P

Oh Please, Jangan Depan Aku!

Lama tak hadap buku, tak ada perasaan nak exam, now maybe akan ada satu. Paling dekat. BLS training, Basic Life Support Training. Alaa, yang bagi CPR atau bantuan pernafasan, bla bla bla masa dalam keadaan genting tu.

Haaa. Yang tu. Yang tu le.

So kelas aku dan exam next week, sebabkan terlalu rindukan perkataan exam, terus study semalam. Ececeh. Lepas dapat handout, dan dan tu study. Tekun seyh. Setekun nya. Lagi tekun bila part how to handle choking baby. Baca dengan teliti. Ingat satu satu bagaikan mengeja. Eh, bias betul membaca.

Makanya, pagi tadi masa cek baby, ada satu baby dalam tangan aku nampak berbeza dari baby biasa. Terima kasihlah pada rutin tengok baby setiap hari. Sebabkan rutin ni aku rajin tengok nurse handle baby, bagi susu, burp kan baby, nak letak baby under photolight, macam mana nurse bagi BCG, ambik darah, dan aku dah expert okay pakaikan baby pampers, wrapkan baby, dukung dan sebagainya oh-angkat-bakul-nampak?

Kekekkee.

Bila teliti betul-betul, oh no are you gonna choke now, sweetheart? Oh please, not in my hand. Not now. No. Terus teringat kata-kata nurse yang baby ni dia punya secretion banyak lagi kes duduk dalam perut mak. So tendency nak mengeluarkan secretion adalah sangat tinggi, that's why kena letakkan baby dalam posisi mengiring.

Oh please not now. Not in my hand. I know I've studied but oh please, I don't want to practice just yet. No.

Yep, memang baby near to choke that time and Alhamdulillah aku tak panik and terus teringat nota-nota yang diulangkaji semalam. Ececece. Tipulah kalau aku tak nervous, gila cuak hokay mata terus cari nurse terdekat untuk dipanggil, but in the meantime cepat tangan aku terbalikkan baby letak dada atas tangan kiri dan tangan kanan menepuk.

Satu. Dua. Tiga. Empat.

Bluekkkkkk.

Tepuk lagi. Satu. Dua. Tiga. Empat. Lima.

Blueeeekkkkkk.

Clear secretion plus blood colour stain (maybe memang blood pun) sekali.

One more round. Satu. Dua. Tiga. Empat.

Bluekkkkkk.

Uwaaaaaaaaa! Uwaaaa! Uwaaaaa!

Turn pink back.

Oh!

"Nurse, baby choking, but now I think dah okay,"

"Yep, you do it right,"

Phewww!

Nasib study.

It is good to have nursery where I can go when I am so freaking stress, but I think it will double the joy if I have my own sweetheart.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MOM.

Happy Mother's Day to me too for this day at the later date, someday.

Once. Twice.

No more.

I always like people. Really. Seriously. Yes. Soooooo easy peasy. Therefore there will never be serious one. Well, I don't want one until lafaz sakinah is made for me.

But I had this one in my life that really give me the deepest cut right in my heart. Despite the pain, I thanked HIM for this so-called bad feeling as now I know how to pray to be better, to get better. Nearly ten years is not a short time to erase all the memories, no, not yet.

Not now and maybe never.

Deleting will be difficult, but to live with it is much easier.

It's good to choose the second one and it is lot better as we will never see each other and I've been praying so hard to not meeting each other; by accident or on purpose.

No. Not yet. Not now and perhaps  never.

But sometime it just happen despite how much we try not to. Another type of learning. Maybe.

"Assalamualaikum. Can come in?"

"Sure,"

"I'm Huda, the audiologist. I just come to explain the test result,"

 Looking at the face. Really familiar. Seriously familiar. Looking to the other person, and the other, one by one. I know these persons. I know them. 

"Umm, your face really looks familiar. Are you Adam's mom?"

"Yes...,"

"Oh. Umm.. I'm his friend. We were friends, long time ago,"

And mind started to play like a recording movie, the flashbacks. All were nice, but no more. Not now. Never.

"He is studying at Madinah,"

"Oh really? Good for him!"

(I know)

"We'll visit him next week,"

"Send my regards to him then,"

"He will come back early June,"

"Ohhh..."

(I know)

"Ahaaa.. this is my grandson, Akhil,"

"Nice name young boy,"

(I know)

"It's good right, studying there? You can visit Mecca anytime,"

"Yep, he's done doing hajj,"

"Really? Good for him!"

(I know)

And I know, I know, I know a lot of things that I pretend I don't know. It's difficult though.

There is someone. It just that, not now. Not yet.

Bzzz...!

"We're going to balai polis,"
"Why?"
"Your uncle, accident,"

It was 12 midnight. It was Hospital Kuala Lumpur. It was crowded there.

"Are you okay?"
"My chest... pain, very pain,"

Everybody walked fast. It was like silent movie buat actively move. It was fear. May be just fear, but obviously affected the whole body system; heart beating faster, holding breath, mind whirling to nowhere expecting the worst ever.

Only if there were internet somewhere, nearby.

"Are you busy?"

First person.

One minute took forever, hoping the phone to vibrate. Nothing.

Enough.

"Are you busy?"

Second person.


"Are you busy?"

Third person.

"Are you busy?"

And the list went on and on.

Luckily there always somebody who know of why and know on how. Even if the body is not there, here, but to have some info at the very critical time... was privilege.

Bzzzz. Bzzz.


"Are you okay?"

Bzzzz. Bzzzz.

"Must be something bad, eh?"

Bzzzz. Bzzzz.

"Nope, anything I can help?"

Bzzz. Bzzz.

"Why?"

And phone started to buzz repeatedly.
Steady. There're help. There always are.

"Sorry to disturb very late. What are the sign of broken chest or perhaps broken ribs,"

Another forever time taken.

"Are you okay? Is that difficult to breath? How was the pain? The scale maybe?"
"It is... bad,"

Bzzz. Bzzz.

"The sign is bla bla... bla..,"

Bzzz. Bzzzz.

"Why. While breathing there must be bla bla bla...."

Bzzz.. Bzzz

"How was the impact? If too bad it must be bla bla bla...,"

Bzzz. Bzzzz.

"Why?"

Silent. Is there any other nice words to hide the feeling now? When the question has been answered there is no need to spread any further, to increase the sadness and to add on another unnecessary pain.

"Nothing. Just plain bored,"

Breath in.. and out!

Smiling Is Infectious 

Author Unknown 

Smiling is infectious, 

you catch it like the flu, 

When someone smiled at me today, 

I started smiling too.

I passed around the corner 

and someone saw my grin. 

When he smiled I realized 

I'd passed it on to him. 

 I thought about that smile,

then I realized its worth. 

A single smile, just like mine 

could travel round the earth. 

 So, if you feel a smile begin, 

don't leave it undetected. 

Let's start an epidemic quick, 

and get the world infected!

---

I made a mistake. A mistake. A mistake. 

It affected me the whole day. The whole day. The whole day. 

I've tried to forget, and I failed and I stressed. 

I put all the effort so I wont waste, the time precious time, that I had. 

Please make it be 'past tense' in the shortime, please, Ooo Allah.

 Da di du dada di duu.

Yesterday was bad (I would use present continuous tense if 'yesterday' could go with it, only if). I thought it was so ridiculous to make mistake, this mistake. Mind is so complicated, so hard to forget, to make it easy, to let it be.

Human make mistakes, don't they?

You are human, I am human, we're human; we do mistakes so we learn. It's very rare to learn without making mistake, we still can but learning through mistakes make us better, it sealed still so we won't forget, (or else, stupidity takes place for repeating it twice), and.. learning through experience is like you draw without an eraser.

Argh! Only if my mind has a button function to reset, if not 'delete'.

Is it good to forget? 

I think face it make sense (but it is hard).

Laju

Kelajuan dan pecutan, satu prinsip fizik. Bukan satu, dua. Dua prinsip, laju dan pecut. Setiap pecutan akan menyebabkan semakin bertambah kelajuan.

Cuma, kena pastikan pecutan negatif atau positif. Kedepan atau kebelakang. 

Pecutan. Kelajuan. Speed and Velocity.

Ingat, kelajuan membunuh!

Hati-hati.

Knock Knock

Knock Knock.
Sorry, going somewhere at the moment.


Knock Knock.
Sorry, no more available.


Knock Knock.
Sorry, no longer here.


Knock Knock.
Sorry, not at home.

How about knocking this one?


Knock Knock.

I just haven't met you, yet.

Comel

Kau tahu, antara satu benda yang boleh buat aku senyum? Bila aku on the way ke surau untuk solat zohor, ternampak lelaki muda keluar dari surau.

Tak. Bukan sebab aku menggatal. 

Bukan. Bukan sebab lelaki itu kacak.

Jangan. Jangan sangka yang bukan-bukan.

Sukar, jika dikelilingi mereka yang apabila zuhur dan asar, adalah hanya tengahari dan petang semata. 

---

"Sape eh boleh approve cuti Huda?"

"Superior,"

"Oh.. hmm risau lak cuti tak approve,"

"Awat? Kenapa Huda nak cuti?"

Macam kelakar lak nak divulge this thing sebab weird kot; kau cuti kerja sebab kau nak gi interview. Plus macam tak ada point, atau pointnya tak bagus langsung.

"Nak gi jalan eh?"

"Tak,"

"Abis?"

"Kahwin,"

Duniaku Sendiri (Yang Cute)

Tarik nafas. Turun nafas. Tarik nafas. 

Phewww~

Aku tak tau aku kuat berangan, atau aku hanya suka perhatikan. Sambil jalan, kalau aku dah start menyanyi kecil, aku boleh tenggelam dalam dunia aku sendiri tak perasan orang.

Buruk.

Kalau aku leka perhati satu benda, hatta deretan semut, aku tak ingat dah alam sekeliling.

Buruk.

Dan aku rasa tabiat aku ni makin melampau lampau jadinya sekarang. Jadi penyakit pun ada. Sekarang nurses pun dah kenal tabiat aku yang satu nih. Oh, sape yang tak kenal aku mesti rasa aku pelik. Dan siapa yang kenal aku, akan berganda-gandalah rasa aku pelik.

Ya. Saya suka gila budak budak yang boleh buat saya senyum sepanjang jalan. Ya, seperti kurang siuman senyum sengih sendirian. Macam autistik pun ada. -.-"

Makanya, rutin setiap pagi mengadap bayi adalah syurga. Kini, setiap pagi masuk nurseri, bukan lagi ololololo cik huda dah sampai. No. No. No. Tidak lagi. Apabila pagi, ayat begini akan buat aku lagi nak senguh sampai hujung dunia.

Ayat ini.

Ya anak anak sekalian. Mama awak semua dah sampai...!

Cute kan?

Cute kan?

Cute kan?

Saat paling aku suka adalah tolong tengok nurse mandikan bayi, dan aku akan buat kerja buka balutan bayi sebelum mandi, dan tolong wrapkan balik lepas mandi. Well, tak kisahlah kalau nurse kena buka balik sebab.. hmmm, ye aku tahu aku buat hodoh.

HAHAHA.

Berbalik pada tabiat yang dah menjadi penyakit ni. Bayi sangat mudah nak kena demam kuning. Jangan tanya aku patofisiologi. Yang tu sila tanya doktor. Bayi yang kena kuning ni, salah satunya treatmentnya adalah letak bawah lampu biru; phototherapy. Lampu ni bahaya kalau kena mata, jadi mata bayi akan ditutup macam ni.

Dan kemudiannya akan diletakkan bawah lampu biru lebih kurang macam ni gambarnya. Gambar aku ambil kat google. Bayi akan diletakkan terbalik, atau macam orang bersujud. Kau imaginelah sendiri tapi lebih kurang lah macam kat bawah ni.

http://www.3quarksdaily.com/3quarksdaily/2009/11/health-care.html

Aku ni jenis pesen, kalau aku stress nanti lunch hour aku naik nurseri, tak main ngan baby pun tak pe. Dapat perhatikan baby pun jadilah. Sampailah satu hari, aku duk perhati macam mana bayi ni survive nak terbalikkan kepala dari kanan ke kiri atau vice versa. Aku perhati, macam mana kaki dia menendang, angkat kepala, tertelangkup muka, angkat semula, survive!

Aku perhati macam ada aku dan baby tu je dalam nurseri. 

"Huda?"

"Huda?"

"Huda?!"

"Heh?"

"Haaaa berangan!

Errrr.

"Awak tengok apa?"

Tak ada jawapan. Malas nak explain pun.

"Penutup mata tu terbuka,"

"Eh?"

"Haih, punya lama berdiri kat situ, tak perasan?"

Malas jawab, malas explain.

Sengih.

"Berangan apa ni?"

Malas jawab. Malas explain.

"Kenapa. Bahaya eh?"

"Iyelah,"

"Oooo mana Huda tahu,"

"Ni ingat apa ni?"

Malas jawab. Malas explain.

Well, simptom autistic macam ni cute kan?

Errrrr...

Okay, tak yah jawab. Tak yah explain.

Babai.

... [38]

Maafkanlah bila hati,

Tak sempurna mencintaiMU!

Dilemma

Masa aku belajar, beria aku nak ambil PTPTN sebab memang sorrylah nak kerja government. Angkuh. Sekali tuhan balas dapat sakit itu ini, tengok sendiri susah payah orang susah, sama berair mata bila patient menangis... hati terus, I meant for this job and I meant to be in the goverment sector; to serve the nation. Ecececeh.

Despite my good pointer, I was not really interested to apply for scholarship as.. well, I think government might take few months maybe a year therefore it would be better I get a job first then at that time which I think will be the right time; I will come back to government. Easy. Anyway, my life principle is this... stand on your own feet as long as possible.

From month to months and to year, still no news from government and waiting for a little longer would not help.  So I make my mind, enough is enough, it was the time already to make a move. I apply job a lot, really a lot until when I get calls, I was like.. hmm.. which hospital is this?

I gave up several hospitals including the nearest country which I could make money for goodness know how much. There was one hospital I cried for not being success to be selected, but now I thanked for that to happen. The others, I couldn't even care less. Well, life works in a mysterious way, kan?

It was difficult for my very first permanent job. A lot of tears to begin with and a lot more to come (oh please just don't). But thinking of my life journey that never be easy since day one I breath, so I choose to move on and face it!

Now, I would say; Alhamdulillah. I made it till this far.

And out of sudden, I received an email from government; you were chosen to be interviewed this coming bla bla bla. Ni buat aku dilema dengan kata-kata Masuk government banyak kemudahan, bayak faedah, banyak itu ini. Kalau perempuan, better masuk government, ada masa untuk family. Macam sama maksud, hidup later on tak mencabar kan? Urgh! Hidup terjamin, ada pencen.

Tarik nafas.

Then aku fikir and aku jawab; kalau macam tu, better Huda kerja swasta, husband kerja government. Seimbang dan stabil. Ololololo. Sweet je bunyi. HAHAHA.

Buatnya aku tercampak Sabah Sarawak, tak ada sedara mara? Oh...~ Dah lah muka ni jenis keluar masuk hospital. Aduai.

Come on, why now?

After I gave up on you, why now?

After too long time wasted, why now?

After I am starting to happy and settle in, why now?

You get the interview and not going; blacklisted.

You go for interview and selected and not going; blacklisted. -.-"

Since I pray hard for my 'jodoh', it is easy to calm myself.. maybe, just maybe... there're someone somewhere waiting?

Hek hek hek. Macam pepatah Dil To Pagal hai; "Someone, somewhere is made for you,"

Mudah gile kan nak pujuk hati aku?

Easy-peasy!

Pesan Kecik: Anyhow, baru interview baiii.. dapat tidak, belum tentu lagi. Gelabah je lebih kau ni, Huda. :P

Pesanan Besar: He knows BEST! Jelaskan matlamat, ikhlaskan hati, Du'a... Tawakkal. Life never been easy anyway, but worth it!

Quick

Banyak sungguh benda dalam kepala otak nak cerita, terutamanya benda benda sweet, yang merelakskan otak dan tidak akan menyebabkan diabetes. Banyak. Contohnya masa pergi seminar persatuan audiologis se Malaysia hari tu; more or less lebih kurang beginilah dialognya.

"Saya Huda,"

"Huda... Mus... taffar kan?"

"Errr...,"

"Saya baca blog awak,"

Olololololo.

Cute sungguh. Hai awak.... terima kasih tau baca blog picisan kitew. Blushing pipi kitew masa awak kata awak baca. Malu laaaaaa....~

Lempang sebijik baru tahu.

Hmmm... apa aku nak cerita tadi eh? Pelupa lagi tua sungguh.

Boooo!

Oh Please...!

Sure I really want to do this. Well, I made a status at my Facebook that later, a good friend of mine pointed out that it wasn't nice. Really it wasn't. I even reconsider before I posted it, I changed the spell therefore I would feel less guilty. Maybe.

Why?

Here are the reasons why I was/still am angry for those with stupid attitude during driving. Yes. Possibly us. Me. Maybe. But till this far, I've never drive since my last small accident 6 years back if I remember correctly.

Every day, I go to work with my daddy. The earlier working days, daddy asked me if I wanted to go with car since I am working with the high class hospital. But goodness knows how bad the traffic is, so being stuck in it is the last dream ever in my life. So, motorcycle then.

Well you'll feel the same too and who doesn't? It's ridiculous huh, when walking is faster than driving!

First and foremost, oh please, please, please watch your distance! Those who know me know that I am not that big-in-size girl, yet not that small. And now, please imagine how close the distance was when my knee can touch the car's door! How stupid the driver was?! Watch your distance! I know the traffic was sooooo freaking bad close to not even moving at all, but that doesn't mean touching my knee wasn't wrong!

What if suddenly you move and I fall?

Second, is it too difficult to give signal when you want to change lane? Do yo know how dangerous it is to change lane so sudden? Do you know how many times I've witnessed the badly injured motorcyclist let alone the dead bodies due to your laziness just to dance you finger up and down to that signal button?!

Please! Please do let us know. Don't jeopardize others life please. :'(

There are a lot more I want to write, but I am still shocked... watching the news.. the football player died suddenly, atas padang, heart attack.

Pesanan besar: Hidup, sekejap kan?

Wwll... Eh silap, Well~

Kitew adew bendew nak ceritew, tapi kitew penat lew.

Penat sebab taip cenggitu. Kkeekekkee.

Sengih Lebar-Lebar

"Any other illnesses apart from hearing?"
"Yes,"

"Apa ye?"

"Diabetes,"
"Okay, since when? "
"Now,"
"Eh?"
"Huda maniiiiiiiissssss sangat,"

Olololololo...~

Titanic

The unsinkable Titanic, sank!

But well, the never-give-up-thingy, remains.

p/s: My BFF preggy already. Oh, please nak kawen. :P

Canteeeks

Hari Ahad. Hanya satu hari untuk berehat. Berehat dari tanggujawab harian. Selain dari rutin yang paling aku gemar; melihat bayi bayi yang membuatkan aku selalu tidak sabar untuk masuk pejabat, ini adalah kecintaan. 

Pemandangan.

Hahhahahaha. Comel tak pemandangan dari ofis aku?   

Hah?

Ye lah. Yelah. Aku bagi gambar senonoh sikit.

Aku pernah cerita dulu, aku ada kegemaran untuk membayangkan aku berada di puncak bila hati aku rasa tak best. Aku ada kegemaran merenung awan, saat aku buntu. Aku ada kegemaran perhati segala tanaman, bila aku perlukan ketenangan. 

Ya, pemandangan kurniaan tuhan mengasyikkan.

Di Kelantan ada pantai, di sini ada kanvas langit.

Indah.

Okay, ni gambar super senonoh of the day. Heheks~

Eh, penuh lak muka aku entry kali ni. Kekkekekke. Layankan aja. :P