Dadah

Oh Dunia!

Dalam tengah mulia bulan Ramadhan ni, sedih jiwa baca.

It happened when mummy woke me up for sahur and she nervously said, "Bangun bangun! Ayah pergi Flora, beratus polis tengah tembak menembak,"

I was like, ni exaggerate ke apa sampai beratus polis. Anyhow, this must be something big happened. And yes, it is indeed.

---

Pengedar dadah ditembak mati

Oleh ABDUL HAKIM AB. RAHMAN

pengarang@utusan.com.my

AB. RASyID Ab. Wahab (dua dari kanan) menunjukkan senjata tajam, dadah, pistol dan barang-barang lain yang dirampas dalam serbuan di sebuah unit kediaman di Pangsapuri Flora, Balakong, Selangor pada sidang akhbar di Ibu Pejabat Polis Daerah Kajang, Selangor, semalam.

---

KUALA LUMPUR 14 Ogos – Polis menembak mati seorang pengedar dadah dan memberkas enam yang lain termasuk dua wanita selepas berbalas tembakan dalam serbuan di sebuah unit kediaman di Pangsapuri Flora, Balakong, dekat sini awal pagi tadi.

Dalam kejadian kira-kira pukul 1 pagi itu, polis turut merampas 200 gram dadah jenis heroin, ganja dan syabu bernilai RM500,000, dua pucuk pistol jenis Glock dan Revolver dan sepucuk pistol tiruan.

Selain itu, dua buah kereta BMW dan Mitsubishi dan empat buah komputer riba turut dirampas.

Menurut Ketua Polis Daerah Kajang, Asisten Komisioner Ab. Rasyid Ab. Wahab, suspek dan seorang wanita bertindak melarikan diri ke dalam sebuah bilik sejurus sepasukan anggota polis menyerbu masuk rumah tersebut.

Katanya, ketika itu, terdapat tujuh orang di ruang tamu rumah termasuk dua wanita.

“Suspek yang mempunyai rekod jenayah lampau berkaitan jenayah rogol, dipujuk agar menyerah diri namun enggan dan bertindak menembak ke arah anggota polis.

“Polis yang bertindak balas, telah melepaskan tembakan dan mengenai perut serta tangan suspek mengakibatkan lelaki itu terbunuh,” katanya pada sidang akhbar di Ibu Pejabat Polis Daerah Kajang dekat sini hari ini.

Beliau berkata, wanita yang berada bersama suspek, bagaimanapun berjaya dipujuk keluar untuk menyerah diri.

Katanya, ujian air kencing terhadap enam suspek yang ditahan berusia 22 hingga 47 tahun itu didapati positif dadah.

“Kes akan disiasat mengikut Seksyen 307 Kanun Keseksaan kerana cubaan membunuh dan 39B Akta Dadah Berbahaya 1952 yang memperuntukkan hukuman gantung,” ujarnya.

Menurutnya, mayat suspek dihantar ke Hospital Serdang untuk bedah siasat.

Sumber: Sini.

---

Mohon jauhlah dari segala malapetaka bahaya jenayah. Doalah jelah pendinding... kita ni bukan siapa siapa, tiada jaminan mana mana untuk selamat melainkan izin DIA dan untuk itu, doalah jalan terbaik.

Berelonze!

Berelonze babeh!

Berelonze pretayyy!

Berelonze handsome!

Berelonze guys!

Berelonze!

Eh? What? What Berelonze means?

Say Berelonze! Say it! Say it! Say it loud. Say it louder! BERELONZE!

Oh.
It's my secret language that means 'There is always a light!"

BERELONZE!

A Plain Book

This is a book. A plain book. But, don't judge a book by its cover, hokayyy.

Because...

It can be a quote book.

Result keeping for research.

Data to be keyed in.

Kugha kugha.

Kartoooonisss.

Nota kaki.

Diari auww..!

Thesis References.

Drawing time!

Sad time!

Self motivation!

And ahaaa, pelepas rindu pada tulisan jawi!

So, don't judge a plain small book by its cover eh!

Addiction

"Ayah, berhenti stesen minyak depan tu jap?"
"Kenapa?"
"Nak beli kopi,"







Wherever, whenever. Oh please, I need decaf coffee.

The Making of I Hope Handsome Guys Don't Like It!

I swear the last kuih I'll make for the rest of my life is KARIPAP! And I hope all the handsome guys especially my future husband hates karipap. Well, not because of the taste, but because of the process like super duper difficult if need to compare to all the kuihs I've made.

First, you have to make the filling. You have to have the filling of course or else you should not call it as karipap. Karipap has filling okay, stop Huda! I don't have the problem to make the filling and yeay, it turned out nicely even at first I wondered why the potato cubes were still crunchy, and kept on adding cup after cup more water. Eh, you eat them to try?

Poor me, I make everything half but miscalculated the amount of water! Sheit! Luckily, it was still okay!

Despite too many times I read the instruction, I still caught confuse and read and read and read and decided whatever it is, now it will be my way! 

Ahaa, again, I make it perfect! The dough was good, nice, and smell very yummy. The smell of the perfect dough everrrrrr.

And the worst part forever is this. 

Guna botol air je baiii~

Tempat uli aku tak jumpa. I forced myself to look whatever thing that flat and cylinder. And, I found this and HAHAHAHA. And first trial was mak aihhhh karipap ke plastesin?

Buruk gila sob sob sob seka air mata buat kuih hodoh.

Sebab acuan karipap hilang and aku rasa nak mengamuk cari tak jumpa so aku perasan yang huh, tangan aku sungguh bagus untuk menganyam mengelim.

So.. errr... first trial I was hoping straightawy all the handsome guys must hate karipap because it's ugly. Hahhaha. And my future husband too must hate karipap because that's the last kuih I want to do in my life!

Ugliesssss

See. It's ugly ugly ugly! I hate! Hahhahaha. So think fast! Hmm, sebab nak jugak biar sama size and nak canteeeekkkkk and kemas and look presentable, so inilah solusinya!

Mangkuk for the same size karipap.

And cut it for the perfect end!

Unluckily my karipap still ugly. Tsk tsk tsk. Tak puas hati. Bersugguh-sungguh buat. You know that I learn fast? Yeap, I catch up fast except for map reading and numbers. Huuuu.

And, yeay! I kelim karipap beautifully then!

Yeay!

Okay. Ignore the different sizes. It is really time consuming to use the mangkuk and cut and stuff. I need to catch up with the masa berbuka. Hahahhahah.

Betty and the Beast! Hehhee.

Don't doubt about the taste. As I said, it is excellent and deliciousssss. Mommy and daddy like it and I make extra frozen curry puff!

At least.
At least.
At least.

Daddy's karipap was UGLIER despite his comments and complaints to me.

HAHHAHAHAHAH!

Promise

My mom and I make a wow, oh no, kind of promise that this Ramadhan we will never go to bazar. (Anyway, since I grow up I don't really believe in Bazar Ramadhan but being far from family, I have to). My mom is a teacher and unluckily she works the second session; in the evening thus creating a little hard situation here, to prepare the menu for breaking our fast.

And I am with my really big unlucky problem because I never can break my fast without at least a sweet kuih especially the one that made traditionally.

So how to keep the promise?

And now here is the solution. Ahaa. The good one. I'll ask my mom whatever shes's going to make for our foods. She will tell me what kind of fish, vegetables, different type of onions and other stuffs to be prepared! Oh no there's a lot of fish with different names and worst, I can't even differentiate them when my dad cut into slices and properly placed in the freezer!

Well, at least I'm getting better everyday, you know, practice makes better and now the Ramadhan already reached the tenth. So. I pratice for ten days already. Yeay for me!

Eleven a.m onward, I turn my online radio (that's bad) and searching recipes for my own-made-kueh wohoo! The only website I like is myresipi.com because when one person make a recipe and posted their successful desert or whatever, another person tried that, they'll post theirs too and all the nice comments will be there. 

Yeay! You know, the more good comments posted means that you can believe the recipes and yeay again because mine turned out nicely everytime!

Hahahhaha.

Every problem comes with solution. Just you need to find it!

p/s: I know this problem is close to nothing but who cares? This is my problem, big problem, if I can't break fast without kuih! :'D

... [26]

"You have the chance to hide your weakness, why you choose to show it off then?

I'm wondering.

... [25]

Bila letak password nama secret admire sampai sekarang lekat, terus rasa comel nak gelak terbahak bahak hamprehhhh. And now wondering, macam manalah aku boleh minat mamat ni.

Oh sungguh manusia. Sifatnya berubah. Cinta jarang malar. Hari ini begitu, esok begini pula. Manipulasi. Maka, masih mahu lagi meletak harap, menyata setia pada manusia?

Oh tolong.

p/s: Sungguh malas nak review buku walau dah masuk buku ketiga. Letak gambar dengan I'll-tell-you-about-this-book-in-three-words, aci tak?

The 6th Day

Yehaaaa. Ramadhan has reached its sixth. How fast the time flies. I hope, I can get the last ten days. You know, being a woman and the ABC (Allah Bagi Cuti) thing? I wish the last ten will be mine oh please.

What's so special about the sixth day?

Hehhehhee. I just followed the tadarus here. Okay, okay fine! That's not a big deal to you, but for me... it's a huge  decision to do. To do something that I'm not used to. To get knowing the society where almost 10 years I had been in Kelantan. To be around with the makcik makcik that always.. "Anak Ustazah Nani eh?". "Anak Ustaz Kamal?". "Yang ni ke yang mengaji kat Kelantan?". "Eh, tak kerja ke hari ni?"

Oh no no mak cik. That's my sister. Not me. I'm jobless.

And.. you know people change every day, every minute? Every second?

 So do I!

I love to cook now and getting excited to search new recipes everyday like whatttt? Hehehhe. hey, people change! And changing is gooooooooooooood. So gooooood. Errrr, so far it is. Anyway, it is only apply for the cooking thing. ONLY.

Babai.

.

"Sampai masa tibanya waktu,

Redup hati kau berdua,

Bila dua jasad bersatu,

Hidup mati jadi bersama,"

~Hikaya Merong Mahawangsa

Next!

Coming up next the five stars novel! Mucho mucho!

The 'hood' Story

Despite the differences, we share the same blood colour; red!

---

I was helping Pantai Medical Centre last week. I called it 'helping', they called  it'locum', whatever you call it, I don't care.

"Miss Huda, are you working now?"

"Nope. Still jobless,"

I laughed.

"We need your help. Can you do locum tomorrow, because our audiologist is on leave,"

"Alright! That will be great. You can have my help without need to pay. I want to help and it's for free. I'd like to help,"

Actually, I miss to see someone to help, in this case, patient. Those who know me, who maybe know the histories of mine, facing my very last year, final, you'll know how painful it was. I've f ailed not once, not twice, but 4 times! Those who know me, will know how much I have to struggle between the need to stay healthy not to mention mentally tortured and the hanging-on-the-thread thesis. I was planning the worst anyway; the need to extend for one more semester.

Thus, when I helped the patient at Pantai, my heart beating faster as all the bad memories kept on recalling in my mind. I needed to ease my feeling, so I tried to imagine something else,I chose kids, I imagined them at the kindergarten I've worked before.

Dok USM baik baik Kak Hud, untuk masa berbaki. Selamat gigih siapkan tesis. You can do it. Jom siapakan laju laju lepas tu balik tanah air tinggalkan yang tak best kat USM takyah bawak balik sekali.

Takpe Kak Hud. Allah will not burden more than a soul can hold. For all those hardships, yg kadang kadang  Nad rasa mcm ohh gagahnya jiwa Kak Hud jumpa situasi macam macam sepanjang 4 tahun ni, DIA tengah prepare something untuk Kak Hud tu, insha Allah. Sebab sume benda yg jadi, takdenye dengan sebab kita bertindak sendiri melainkan ilham yang DIA bagi jugak. Macam yg ciknin pesan, yang baik cedok amik, yang tak best boleh ignore. ~Nad

I'm not that strong. I love people especially kids. I love to help. I love to build new friends everyday. I have a lot of friends not only my course mates or classmates, but other proffesional as well. I, on the other hand, also have my own ego. I rarely hate people, but when I do, it will be so hard for me to deal. Very hard.

I'm easily to forgive and seldom take the fight very serious. I'm easily forget that's why even being fooled for several times, I can make it okay the very next day. I will try very hard even it jeopardizes myself. I love my friends and I hardly can accept the lost. However, they are certain cases I don't know why, I can't. How hard I've tried, it always end with more hatred, more tears.

So, I run. I hide. But, I can't hide forever. I can't run forever. I have to face no matter what it takes.

My childhood was damaged.

My teenage life, was damaged too.

I force myself to forget, that explains why, whenever my family open up the stories of us; especially my sister and I, I remember very little. Most of those, I don't know. Yes, I'm coward after all. I can't even think do I really have even one nice memory to recall? 

No, I don't.

Therefore, I work hard for my early adult to be the most interesting time to build life, my life. When my age started with two digits and the initial number is 2, I found the bright light. I found my life was interesting day by day. Despite the illnesses, I live my life happily.  

Sometimes, there will be a time that I regret how bad was my childhood. I blame on that too that creates my attitude now; the perfection, the hatred, the hard-to-trust, the pessimism, the all or none law. But when I realize that is wrong, I feel guilty so I repent. Simple. But not that simple as the word sounds.

The brightest life, I thought it is, somehow faded when I reached my final year. I live in nightmares up to now. It was bad to fail four times, but the worst, to face the life after that.

I don't have problem being interviewed when most of the people have. I don't tremble, my voice doesn't shaky, I sit comfortable, answer the questions with confidence. I like interview, even my dad always complaint you should've bring this bag, you should not wear this clothes, you should pick the right hijab's style, whatever.

I don't mind.

There will never be enough if it is me but that's fine. I get used to it already. My calculation is simple though; if they like me, they'll hire me. I they don't, then I won't get the position. Taqdir, something better is waiting ahead. I believe in that.

I caught in a traffic jam yesterday. The interview was at 1 p.m while I still on the road. My parents worried, I know they did. But I, on the other hand, don't care. I called them as my dad asked me to, and they were nice; tell me to just  try my best to be there.

"Cik Huda?"

"Yeap. I'm sorry. Being late for interview is not good for the first impression."

"It's okay,"

I smiled. After all the hardships of my final year, I would say I'll find a position for me other than audiologist. You can call me coward, again, but the failure has haunted me every now and then.

"Do you have another plan apart from working here? Maybe further your study? You know, if we hire you then you have to go, we need an immediate replacement. It will cause much trouble,"

Well, this is the difficult one. Sometimes, people will tell anything please as long as they get the job. But I can't. I won't. I don't know how to lie and I always tell the truth. Even if telling the truth will cause me to lose the position, it is okay. It is better safe than sorry. I told them I don't have the transport, so if they need me to work around, I can't. I told them, few things I need to revise, but I know I can. I told them, I need to work the fixed hour for the first few months because I need my dad to pick me up after working.

And Alhamdulillah, they all okay with the difficulties I may need to face. 

"Regarding the plan, I have a plan to further my study. However, I don't know if USM has budget for me or not so I think to work first. I don't know if I can get the chance or not because my pointer not that high but enough, there may have another applicants which are far better than me so the competition is high, and the budget as well, is one of the issues. I would say the percentage for me to get accepted is low, but miracle does happen, doesn't it? When it happens, I don't want to feel guilty but if it doesn't, I already tell you the truth,"

Well again, if it is meant for me, then it will be mine.

"How confident are you?"

My mind flied away...

"Prof. D, could you please refer me to the psychiatrist?"

"Why? You just fail, Huda. You can try it again,"

"I've tried twice and it seems that I'm not born to be audiologist,"

"Why would you want to see psychiatrist?"

"I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't think and I know I need help,"

That was the craziest thing I've ever done. I got the referral letter, I went to the department, but I've never make an appointment.

I worked it out myself. I've tried even harder and it still caused another two failures.

Back to the reality.

"You know you need to do the hearing screening for adults and kids and newborns, for the industrial workers and stuff. How confident are you?"

"I'm confident. I get enough experience,"

And I whispered to myself.

"You've got enough failures too and now the time has coming to face it, to stand up back, and  be a little stronger and braver,"

Ironi [23]

Ahahhahahhaha.

"Kami telah membayar hutang rakyat sebanyak sekian juta hari ini! Maka dakwaan pembangkang bahawa kami tiada duit adalah silap bahkan kami masih punya kewangan yang kukuh walau setelah membayar sekian juta kepada rakyat. Ini semua hanyalah propaganda pembangkang untuk menjatuhkan kerajaan negeri dan tuduhan mereka bahawa negeri X sudah muflis adalah salah dan membabi buta!"

Ohoo. Bayar hutang pada rakyat yang menderita selama 10 TAHUN untuk mendapat hak mereka sendiri? Awww, selepas 10 TAHUN baru dibayar? Itupun setelah ada satu pihak bersuara? Aww!

Kalau tak ada yang lantang bersuara, maknanya rakyat harus menunggu another what? 10 YEARS? Aww!

Kenapa tak bayar sebelum ini? Sebelum disuarakan? Sebelum dijadikan isu? Kalau betul kewangan kukuh mengapa harus tunggu 10 TAHUN? Kenapa bukan setahun? Atau straightaway ketika tanah mereka dibeli?

Oops I lupa, depa makan pasir.. hangpa makan nasi tu pun berkuahkan garam ja! Ptui!

Shame on you! 

Shame on you.

SHAME ON YOU!

BOOOOO!!!

... [23]

They call me just for one day and I'm freaking out! Help!

Review: Not My Idea Of Heaven

Okay, another review! Lately, nak kata tak ada masa, berlambak-lambak je masa. Tapi nak habiskan satu bab buku, oh mak aih lama benar dah macam mengeja satu satu. Hii.

Let the video talks first.

Buku ini mengisahkan tentang kehidupan strict satu kumpulan (atau agama mungkin) yang dinamakan Fellowship yang dictate apa yang kau makan, kau pakai, kau buat, kau apa apa sahaja. Kau juga mesti mengasingkan diri kau dari apa apa atau siapa siapa sahaja dari mereka yang bukan macam kau; worldly people.

Lindsey merupakan salah seorang anak kepada keluarga yang kuat pegangannya dengan Fellowship ini. Dia dibesarkan dengan keadaan sentiasa cuba berada dalam safe side untuk tidak diketahui bahawa dia pelik, dibesarkan dalam suasana yang pelik, dan sentiasa fight untuk tidak nampak pelik!

Dan kerada sering berperang dengan diri dan perasaan, Lindsey akhirnya menghadapi dengan konflik terbesar dalam dirinya apabila dia akhirnya menjadi bulimic dan sangat concern terhadap diri at the end; anorexic!

Lindsey sedar yang dia sakit dan perlukan bantuan yang menyebabkan dia nekad untuk keluar dari kelompok ini and join the worldly people.

Adakah Lindsey berjaya?
Adakah dia recover from her bulimia?
Adakah dia mendapat hukuman dari the Fellowship?

Okay, I'm neither beginner nor expert in english. I'm just  intermediate. So, buku ni I would say the english is easy, so grab one and enjoying the conflict along the way, it's a true story!

I give 3.5/5 stars! It worth reading..!

... [21]

Fifteen cents or two cents will be too much to keep in touch with friends because I have very lazy fingers to type word by word so I'd rather call those lovely people. Hahahhaha. Even so, I don't like to keep hanging on with my phone because for me, my phone is not more than to entertain myself with the games inside. 

That's why ten ringgit  for me will last what, for a month and half. Nobody will keep the credit that long. Sometimes, I read the messages and reply later which most of the time, I forgot. Sometimes, I heard the ringing but the phone is upstairs so I'll take a look the next hour. And the worst case, I'll look at it a day after!

My point is, lately I'm so annoying with this one number. I hate the fact when I put my effort to run whenever my phone was ringing because I thought maybe one of the hospitals might have a position for me, but I run for a ridiculous message asking me what I'm doing, am I working that clearly, bullshit!

I'm not that people who really being touched with all those nice-sweet questions like when, what, how I eat! I'm easily annoyed and get annoyed and I don't do strangers! I'm mad and I'm mad the fact that I mad with strangers like oh please! Don't you have a life to live on?

I'm mad and I have to burst out because I'm mad and I hate to live with this madness!

I have no idea why this guy keep on text-ing me since last month even after I told him that I've been married and have two sons!

Whatever. 

So please, bug off and get a life-lah!

Dear You

Dear you,

Sometimes, whenever my phone blinking, I know that there's no way the sender will be you. Never. You do not have my number, neither am I. But, I don't know why on earth i think it may be you asking for me to lend my shoulder.

Dear you,

I really think that you have enough. You really have no strength left to bear with the pain. I do really think that what you've face is beyond my imagination and the moment you pushed yourself to move on, I have no suitable words to say, to perhaps ease you a little bit.

Dear you,

You already touched my heart even without a single word came out from your sadness. 

Dear you,

I hope you will always be blessed, fine and well and healthy. And, I want you to know that every moment I have, I've never fail to pray for you...

Negatives

We're no longer use negatives to make photos nowadays, we use digital camera instead. Life has constant changing so, life isn't like old photography after all. We did wrong, we hurt, we fell and we stand up back even stronger. So, there are no negatives. You fall down and there's no wrong to feel the failures. 

Life itself is what you imagine within yourself, you work out for it, you hope and have faith and you capture the moments all along the journey. 

Sometimes, it doesn't turn out the way you want it to be. Along the beautiful life, there will be sometimes rainy day, frequent storms and the freaking flashing thunders that make you really want to stop imagine how your life photos will look like in the end. That's not the bad thing. That's what we call it as life and life work in a mysterious ways that we rarely know what it might offer.

But, that doesn't make you to stop capturing the pictures because you believe, even the moments captured will always be a defect in it,  you strongly know that;

Every cloud has a silver lining and you're never wrong to believe it that way.

Strange

I'm completely strange to whoever including myself. And, I'm sick. I do hope it will last very soon, not now, not yet but sooner.

The first strange thing had happened. I brought back to Kelantan 3 copies or perhaps more of my passport photos and I was specifically put those pictures into one of my backpack pockets. I was certainly sure where I put it and accidentally I lost them all. I felt like shittin' all day long but I did realize it wont help the situation any better. So I went to KB, to my always-kedai-gambar, I'm very particular for most certain things and places so 16 new photos in my hand! DONE!

Well, you know the strange feeling does happen? I really had this strange feeling that I will lose again these 16 photos? Whenever I took a look at those pictures, I kept on telling myself to place it properly (though I already put it in a specific file).

And guess what? As expected, I LOST THEM AGAIN!

I'm thinking back to head to Kelantan to my-always-kedai-gambar! Don't ask why I'm not going to just do it here because I have no better answer. I'm just me, particular to something nonsense.

Sigh.

And the strange feeling number two. I was warded to a temporary ward at the A&E department. I did tell at my previous post regarding the haunted bed and ward and etc. I went back to Selangor the next day because I couldn't do anything but sleeping all the time let alone the throwing-away-whatever-left-in-my-stomach.

During the whole night at the temporary ward, I feel like freaking ghost was watching me! I was scared and I couldn't ever bear with the feelings so I text-ed my friends to please come in and ease my feeling. Luckily I had Aimi and Fifah beside me. They came in and I hold their hands like I wont leave it forever because I was freaking out!

I vomitted a lot even the doctor already pushed the stop-the-vomit-drug through my IV line. And everytime I suddenly woke up, I will cry like hell because I was scared of nothing and they will persuade me to close my eyes and sleep again.

I did until the next woke up and vomit and cry!

When I back home, the scary feeling of ghost does not fade away! I slept with my parents for more than three nights because I can feel the strange feeling is haunted me. My dad brought me to see this one ustaz and he helped me cope with the feeling.

He said, hospital area is normally not that safe with the makhluk halus. He works at one of the government hospitals and said that the nurses frequently complaints of the you-know-what things.

So, he said to me that I'm lemah semangat. He advised me to keep on reciting Al fatihah, Ayatul Qursi, three Quls and Surah Seribu Dinar sebagai pendinding diri everyday, every morning. Maybe, I visited the hospital frequently, I walked alone to the library for four years normally alone, and lemah semangat, the chance to be recognized by these creatures were high.

There are people not really believe this such thing but as a Muslim, jin syaitan do share this world with us. The only thing that make it different is we can't see them unless they want to do so. And the ustaz also said that, every human that born in this world, they were born together with qorin. But when the human died, the qarin does not. That can be one of the reasons why.

Wallhua'lam.

... [19]

I am happy for you! I swear! I really am!

... [18]

One day, all the laptops shrink and all the handphones getting bigger. Eventually, these both gadgets will be equally in size. When the time comes, there will be no different between you talking to a handphone, or to a laptop and err?

Solehah!

I watched Stanza Cinta with my daddy and mommy, nobody else here except these three. Oh. And we all watched TV while I was being forced to finish my plain water, my medications and bla bla bla. Oh, I came back with thousand of new drugsssss as the next illnesses after the previous one are my tonsils being infected, harsh voice, nearly fever, coughing yellowish sputum; sign of infection.

Just perfect!

That's not what I wanna tell.

We watched the series and one of the dialogues were;

"Kalau kita berkahwin dengan isteri solehah samalah macam kita dah lengkap separuh agama,"

"Betul ke ustaz?"

I was like eh? And straightaway look at my dad.

"Ye ke ayah?"

My dad said YES.

"Sebab, isteri solehah ni memudahkan suami untuk membuat ibadah. Redha akan suaminya, membantu bahkan memudahkan dalam segala urusan,"

p/s: Dan dan tu niat nak belajar jadi isteri solehah. Teheeee. 

Jadikanlah Itu Yang Terakhirrrrrrrr!

Antara benda yang paling aku tak gemar dengan A&E adalah kena masuk kerana sakit selain asthma!

Sebab utama adalah kena tunggu tapi Alhamdulillah, setakat ni kalau kena masuk kerana selain asthma, aku tak perlu tunggu lama sangat. It was either the patients were not too much, or my face as white as cotton wool, and bluekkkkk all the time so the triage counter will allow me to be treated earlier.

Hahahha. Sekarang bolehlah gelak gelak. Masa sakit terjelepek atas katil tak bangun bangun, harapaaannn.

Pheww. Aku rasa A&E dan aku untuk sakit selain asthma sangatlah tak serasi. Sumpah tak serasi. Sungguh tak serasi, sebab aku rasa tempat tu berhantu.

Pertama, asal masuk je, katil persinggahan aku mesti katil yang sama, cube yang sama!

Kedua, kalau kena masuk wad sementara, katil yang sama, sudut yang sama!

Ketiga, sebelah aku mesti orang kemalangan yang kalau tak patah tangan kaki, mesti tak sedar diri. Kalau tak sedar diri, macam macam bunyi aku dengar dan tu dah cukup buat mata aku meleleh ketakutan!

Keempat, yang masukkan IV line aku mesti nurse perempuan dan musibah yang sama akan berlaku setiap kali!

Okay. Bila aku ketakutan macam tu, mesti aku baca ayat ayat Quran dengan mata berair merayu rayu, dan serius aku boleh rasa akan rasa tenang perlahan lahan. Tapi, kejap je la. Huu. Lepas tu takut balik, hailah hai banyak dosa.

Kes IV line tu, aku tak salahkan nurse perempuan tu, tapi aku salahkan boleh tak tolong hati hati masa nak keluarkan jarum dekat tangan aku tsk tsk tsk!

"Adik baring situ dulu eh. Nurse ambil darah kejap lagi,"

Phewww. Doktor sungguhlah lemah lembut. No wonderlah satu pertiga dari kesembuhan seorang pesakit, datangnya dari doktor. Namun, sungguh kasihan sebab baru doktor tu nak cakap sepatah aku lari terlanggar dia cari sinki untuk bluekkkkkkkk.

"Ni parut kat tangan ni parut kena cucuk ke nyamuk?"

"Semua parut kat situ, kena jarum,"

Aku senyum.

Masuk wad pukul 12, pukul 4 pagi barulah habis 2 botol air! Gila lama. Hahhaahaha. Tangan masuk air, mulut muntahkan air. Terbaikkk! Anyway, syukurlah masa sakit ni Allah still hantar kawan kawan tolong masa mak ayah tak ada. Tsk tsk, Aimi Fifah Mika, terima kasih sungguh sungguh. Tolong lap lantai, suap makan, sukat dos ubat, kasi plastik etc etc.

Oh, awak sorang lagi tu pun terima kasihlah rajin layan jawab soalan tambah tambah berkeras suruh menapak ke A&E, jasamu ku kenang. :')

Oh, perkara berhantu nombor 4 tu adalah, bila nurse nak keluarkan jarum saat dah selesai semua, mesti dia tarik sticker yang lekatkan IV line dengan kasar. Tu lah tragedi yang mesti jadi, selalu jadi.

Kasar tu sampaikan jarum terkopak keluar (uish bahasa aku!), dan darah pun membuaklah keluar dengan suara arahan,

"Tekan dik, tekan dik!"

Kesian aku kan? Tsk tsk... Ya Allah sihatkanlah aku, dan jadikanlah ini yang terakhir...

... [18]

And again,
Jatuh sakit lagi...
Wondering which job is actually suit me well.

Oo Allah... In this teary heart, I pray for You to help me in every steps I take.
In this hardship I faced, please let me to have strong heart so I'll never lose in hope.

Oo Allah..
Ooo Allah..






p/s: I slept with Alquran placed on my chest. I'm easily scared to be alone while being sick. And I found out it's very helping. :)

Day and All About It

I faced a lot of hard moments right now. Right after not accepting the offer from Pantai, they called me back instead and promised me a suitable schedule so I can work. At first I refused, then I thought this is the best given by HIM so I decided after counting in several opinions from my close people, I accepted the offer.

Well, life works in a mysterious way. Pantai called me yesterday and being sorry for not able again to follow the schedule they told me. I was kinda okay at first, but since my parents were really happy and excited, my heart accidentally crying.

As for me, my feeling is the second. First is always them. And for them, its vise versa. I guess it is the normal feeling for children-parents thing.

Working in this kindergarten is a different challenging thing. Here, we have Sudanese, Yemenis, Nigerian, and Malaysian of course. The kids roughly two to three years old but mostly, three. All of them, the foreigner, they speak their own country language so make me a little difficult to guide and ask.

How I'm suppose to say when the breakfast and lunch is ready? How I'm suppose to ask about the poo-poo thing? (wahahahah I can't barely eat my lunch, duhh!). And, how I'm suppose to persuade them to lie down and sleep at noon?

I don't know their languages so I use English instead.

It will be tiring and exhausted day. And as the past first week, I know that raising a child is never easy, but it is interesting tough. I took only one day to memorize all of their names. I'm proud of myself because it is like forever for me to remember names. I am incredibly happy now as I know the characteristics each of them.

The time for the bed'noon' story, I need to lie beside Z and singing zikrullah while my hand non stop patting her thigh. As for H, he needs me to put his both legs on my lap when I'm sitting and I'll start my special made lullaby for him. N and Aq, they sleep easily, and will be the first to sleep and the last to wake up. The difficult to sleep I and A, I just need to give them their happy bottle and play with their hair, they'll sleep straightaway.

See. I learn a lot of things from these kids but I'm to lazy to write it here for now. It is not really interesting for certain people, but for kids-lover like me, it is everything!

Today is weekend, and I miss them already. But I have to say that most of the days, I really count the hours to reach 5 pm because all I can think at that moment is my bed and sleeping!

I bet you, you'll be just like me! HAHAAHAHHAA.

Life has been tougher lately. And still, I'm not giving up of hopes.

... [17]

It happens, again. I really am wondering how this stage might end? Sometimes, I smile and cry at the same time. It wonders me a lot; get accepted. Denial. Ask to accept. Accepted. Then, being rejected. 

Again.

I cried. I did cry. Then, I laughed. In a second, zaapppp, everything changed. What-a-life.

A Day

SHUT DOWN.


I don't know how to change diapers.
I don't know how to bath them.
I don't know how to handle five little kids at a time.
I don't know how to stop autistic children from grabbing their foods.
I don't know how to persuade them to sleep at noon.
I don't know.
I don't really know.


I got flu, headache and nearly getting fever. Hahhaha. I slept like a sleeping baby, undisturbed from midnight till morning.

BUT, I'M LEARNING.
AND I'M ENJOYING MY DAY!
AND FEELING LIKE A MOTHER WITH GIVEN BABIES!


p/s: Please noted the /ies/ after /baby/. *wink*

My Hand

Antara kanak kanak yang sentiasa menyentuh hati dan perasaan aku serta tidak pernah gagal untuk membuatkan aku berfikir tentang kehidupan adalah kanak kanak autistik. Autism, pada aku adalah satu penyakit misteri yang selalu buat aku terfikir masa depan mereka nanti bagaimanakah?

Baru baru, aku berada dekat dengan kanak kanak begini. Sangat dekat dan oleh kerana aku tak pernah ada kelas formal teknik mendekati diorang, maka tak banyak yang aku boleh buat melainkan sapaan dan senyuman dan bercakap.

Oh. Aku tak tahu kenapa, kalau dengan kanak-kanak, normal atau tidak, aku sangat percaya dengan perbualan hati ke hati. Mungkin bunyinya agak pelik dan lucu, tapi iya, aku selalu senyum dan bercakap dalam hati. Aku percaya kanak kanak tiada stigma jika kita benar benar ikhlas, mereka tahu.

Mereka tahu dengan tanpa alasan. Tak kisahlah kau cantik ke hodoh ke, mereka melihat hati.

Pada akulah.

---

Untuk seminggu kebelakangan ini, aku sentiasa berjumpa dengan seorang kanak kanak autistik dan tiada apa yang boleh aku lakukan melainkan berbual dari hati dan juga senyuman serta sedikit sentuhan yang dia sentiasa larikan diri.

Selang 3 hari, saat aku tengah sibuk memasang tikar, dia datang mendekati, menarik tangan aku, dan memegang erat.

Tanpa sedikit memandang muka aku, dia eratkan pegangan tangan dan meletakkan di dadanya sebelum melepaskan dan berlalu. 

Jika ini kanak kanak normal, tidaklah aku ralat sangat.

Namun si kecil yang istimewa begini? Hati siapakah tidak tersentuh?

Allah Knows

"Can you speak?"
"I can speak both languages, but, ermm.. my Malay is a lot better, it's my first language, but yes, I can speak,"
"Tell me about you,"

I just coming back from Kelantan, and from Pantai Hospital for audiologist position. Allah knows how I really want to pursue my study rather than start working. Allah knows how determined I am. Allah knows I'd rather be a kindergarten teacher then working on this position right now. Allah knows better.

Allah knows.

"If we're going to hire you, you will start working on eleventh of July. Is that okay?"
"It is. I need a week to let Prof. Din knows I'm leaving. I'm going to be a kindergarten teacher by the way,"
"Kindergarten?"
"It's not a normal kindergarten, it's special one made for normal kids around two to four years. Prof Din's idea after the successful DKECEK. Urmm..  DKECEK, it's for the deaf kids. And this one, for the normal children,"
"Oh?! Wow. Do you own a car? Are you familiar with KL? Because you need to work with both hospital, Pantai Ampang and Pantai Cheras,"

I'm sad but I'm happy. I'm sad because I'll still be jobless and its how I suppose to react, right? Sad. Being sad. Not up to crying level but I should be... sad.

I'm so happy too because I just have one concrete reason to not accept the offer nicely. I have enough time to be what I love to be and I can start hoping for my dream, harder. Oh Allah, to You and only You, I rely on...

"I don't have any car yet. I'm sorry. If this is going to be one of the position's requirement, I have to say I'm sorry. I can not make it," 

Allah knows.

Allah knows better.

Allah knows BEST!

Just don't stop praying and have faith!

... [14]

Bila KL-Kelantan-KL-Kelantan hanyalah berbeza sehari.

... [13]

Oh wow! One semester and two another bottles not in the photo. Pheww. I have enough masseter exercise everyday! In other words, I'm a chewer for 4 years and will be all the years ahead.

apa korang buat time cuti?

Cari suami. HAHHAHAAHAHA!

I'm more than happy to answer all sort of questions. Chill!

... [12]

Even the whole world against me.

 It's okay.

Jurnal Saya Si Orang Baru

Bayi dan lemak sungguh awesome. Tangan berlipat tiga tetap nampak marvellous, sedap, rasa nak gigit! Ahaaa. Cuma adult lengan berlipat? Mula teringat berkilo-kilo pertambahan duduk goyang kaki kat rumah, ohhh~

Oh hello. Nama saya Batrisy. Umur 3 bulan. First time saya jumpa makcik ni walaupun saya dah lahir 3 bulan dulu. :')

When you have three siblings, nak tidur pun tak senang! Pantang kau dipegang, kakak dan abang mulalah, haaaaaip! Pegang adik aku ye? Tak tahu ke diorang aku sungguh gemar didukung, apatah lagi lena dalam dukungan! Haaaaish! SUsah betul abang kakak sungguh protective ni!

Finally! Yeay! Lullaby makcik ini sungguh umph, sampai terpeleot leher aku tertidur pun dia tak sedar dek layang keghairahan bermain abang dan kakak aku. Tak kisahlah, janji dapat tidur!

Sekian, jurnal Batrisya dilawat makcik jarang jumpa. Daaa!

Inilah Antara Manusia

Aku berdiri di celahan ramai manusia di tengah tengah lautan manusia. Aku berdiri kaku seolah-olah aku berada di dimensi sebuah masa. Melawat sesaknya manusia, berlalu dan berjalan tanpa peduli aku.Tanpa peduli diriku.

Aku menilai manusia merebut masuk ke dalam gerabak pada satu masa. Di sini bukan tempat aku. Aku tidak reti mengejar bagaimana di sini. Aku tidak fasih atas bahasa peraturan mana di sini.

Aku hanya aku. Kaku dalam dunia perhati.

Satu tren berlalu. Tren laluan aku. Manusia berebut bagai sudah tiada keretapi lagi nanti. Berlari, bertolak, menolak, ditolak, tanpa tahu adab kau mahu masuk sila bergerak ke kiri. Itu tertib. Biar yang mahu keluar, berlalu dulu. Engkau nanti. Maka rebutan ini, buat aku memilih melepaskan pergi. Nanti pasti ada lagi.

Bukan hanya aku, beberapa kumpulan lagi ketinggalan. Dan beberapa orang bakal terkepit antara celahan pintu memaksa jasad masuk juga walau apa cara.

Barangkali perlu ada manusia terperosok di bawah tayar besi, mati, maka baru kau sedar dunia ini bukan mengejar keretapi semata?

Tren kedua, 7 minit.

Aku bangun beratur di celahan ramai. Lautan manusia buat aku mual, sesak, dan loya pada bau karbon dioksida. Aku lemas. Kutarik novel dicelahan barangan lain, mengalih pandang, mengubah fikir agar loya mual ini bisa hilang serta merta.

Aku abadikan dunia 7 minit menanti pada kisah cerita novel setebal 3cm itu. Dunia aku tenang sahaja. Dunia bising dalam rebutan manusia, aku bisukan pada cerita manusia, plotnya ada, layarnya aku reka. Aku menjadi manusia berada di depan pada barisan.

Bukan aku mahu cepat, tidak mengapa. Aku hanya tidak mahu ketinggalan kerana aku tidak reti bagaimana berebut dan aku tidak ingin itu. Satu persatu meninggal selesa mula mengatur langkah merapati barisan. Sesekali bacaan terhenti melihatkan manusia yang hadir bagai tiada sudah.

Ramai. Sungguh ramai.

"Tren ke Seremban akan tiba 3 minit lagi. Train to Seremban will be arriving in 3 minutes,"

Satu persatu menolak aku. Aku tutup kemas helaian dan aku melihat tajam. Satu menolak. Satu berebut. Satu berdiri tanpa segan.

Semua ingin cepat. Semuanya masa. Namun sama sekali pada hemah aku tidak membenarkan untuk kehilangan nilai baik manusia.

Namun aku malas bicara. Sini bukan dunia aku. 

Dan aku berlalu pergi.

Melepaskan tren kedua untuk sekali lagi....